“If you believe you can’t, you won’t. If you believe you can, you will.” ~Henry Ford
It’s already the end of January! For me, it seems like it’s been a slow start to the year on one hand and so much happening on the other! I know there are many people celebrating and feeling hopeful and many who are struggling with fear and uncertainty. Enter the lesson regarding control. When I get into a reactive state (which limits my ability to be present), I try to take a step back and ask myself how I want to show up in the situation and ask myself just what I do have control over. That is where I have to focus during challenging times, which allows me to be present to.
How is the year starting out for you? What are you intending to experience or create this year? Where can you empower yourself by focusing on things within your control?
We (Cassie, my business partner is co-facilitating) are in the middle my Catch Your Vision annual, 4-part workshop. This year it’s in person for the first time in many years and it feels good. During this process, and during my work with folks throughout the year, part of what I ask participants to do is look at where they get in their own way, where they limit themselves; where they stop themselves from going for what they want. Here, also could be where they give their power away to things outside of their control.
We are born full of possibilities and potential. Life shifts and shapes us, sometimes in ways that causes us to limit who we believe we are, what we believe we can accomplish. We take in things that happen to us or that are said to us and hold them as the truth. Sometimes what we tell ourselves can be as seemingly harmless as, “I can’t.” or “I don’t know how.”, ending the idea or dream or intention.
What about you? When you think of something that might stretch you that you would like to do or dream of doing, what is the first thing that your mind says to you? What old story are you repeating about yourself that is likely not true? One that holds you back or keeps you playing small? These stories can lurk quietly inside until a situation arises that activates that story. Perhaps, a child was told they were clumsy, later in life they avoid any physical opportunities that might confirm what they were told. Perhaps somehow there is a belief that a person doesn’t deserve success, or love or happiness. The list is endless.
The good news is we can change those old limiting stories that play in our heads! And what we tell ourselves matters a great deal. The moment we begin to question our beliefs and experiences; we are no longer certain about them. Here are some tips:
- Identify the belief. What is it you are telling yourself?
- i.e. I am too old. Money is hard to make. I am not smart enough.
- Is it really true? Ask yourself if that limiting belief is really true. Is it true all the time? Find times when it wasn’t true, even if it was once. Ask trusted friends or family to help.
- How does this limiting belief show up? How is it expressed? What are the behaviors?
- Look for the roots. Where did this come from and what did it mean to you? Maybe it’s not clear and that’s okay.
- i.e. For years, I struggled with feeling self-conscious about my hair. The roots of this were from my mom, cutting it for punishment, saying how stringy it was and worse.
- What could be an alternate meaning? For example, my mom was stressed and her own b.s. story about her hair. And, I know she didn’t mean to cause long term challenges. And I do not have to hold onto that story!
- Create a new story that empowers you. What are the positive attributes about you? Visualize a new powerful belief and go! Start practicing!
- Lighten up with self-compassion. Play with the belief when it shows up. “Oh! There you are! That’s interesting.” Notice and replace with the new belief of your choosing. YOU GET TO CHOOSE!
- Get support. For example, ask for help from a therapist or coach.
I would love to hear from you. What works for you when limiting beliefs show up? How are you doing, really?
In joy,
Brenda & the herd
