The first part of this year has been a doozy with many demands and the sudden loss of my mother in the spring. Along with this brings a realization that my story is shifting. The story I have told myself for the past many years about push and do and do for has frequently taken me to destination overwhelm. Not fun. It is at these times my self-talk monitor goes out the window. Here come the “shoulds”, “have to’s”, the “I don’t have time”, “there is not enough money”, etc. stories! It’s downright exhausting. I almost let the “I don’t have time” story take over when I was planning my recent camping trip to the Pryor Mountains Wild Horse Range with my dear friend from college. We had been planning this trip for months. Thankfully, I shifted that one to “I deserve a break”! I am feeling rested and restored and I got to see this band of wild horses.
What do you do when you REALLY want something? That something that pulls you, that wakes you in the night, that JUST won’t leave you alone? A dream? A vision? Perhaps one you have dared to take the step of saying yes to~ of making the declaration of ~ if not now then when? What stories do you tell yourself about take those steps toward what you really want? Is it something like: “How can I do it all?” or “I am learning to prioritize.”? “I can” or “I can’t”? “It’s hard” or “it’s absolutely worth it”? What would you need to believe to shift limiting stories to “I can do this no matter what it takes!”?
The stories we tell ourselves are powerful. The language we use to talk with and about ourselves has the power to empower or dis-empower, to lift up or to limit. When I was a little girl I remember when my beloved Grammie would get frustrated with herself over a simple mistake and call herself a “jackass”. I noticed and wondered why she would call herself that, even as a young child. Throughout my adulthood I have learned a great deal about neurolinguistic programming or NLP – basically the power of our words and our thoughts. I now notice when my own inner dialogue is leading me astray and limiting me and I notice it almost every day in others.
I pulled out one of my favorite books about shifting our stories, the seer by David Robinson and came across this quote by Henry David Thoreau:
“Thought is the sculptor who can create the person you want to be.”
One of the exercises at the end of the chapter on how our language matters helps us notice the stories we tell ourselves that limit or empower. David talks about the practice of “not knowing”, which is one of curiosity and observation without judgement. Just noticing. Once we begin to notice the language we use change begins. Awareness is the first step in making change. Give this a whirl and see what you notice.
Study: Listen to the words you use to tell your story. How often do you say “can’t” or “have to?” Do you often use “should?” Study the words you use to tell your story.
Action: Language matters so play with changing words or phrases like “can’t” or “have to” into “choose” or “choose not to.” Use the language of choice for a week. How does your story change? How does your seeing change?
Exercise: Eavesdrop. Listen to the language of other people. Pay attention to their conversations as if they were stories being created. What words matter in how people story themselves?
Have fun with the process of observing and shifting patterns within your stories. When we change the stories we tell ourselves from negative to positive, to what we want rather than what we don’t want, from self-deprecating to self-compassionate, shift happens!
In joy & new stories,
Brenda & the herd
